Red Flags & Friendships: How Aren’t They Seen?

     Red flags. It’s something most individuals on the internet are familiar with. It helps gauge which partners and relationships are worth keeping and which are very much worth keeping! Some red flags are more of a personal preference, while some are a huge dealbreaker. Red flags come in various ways, from simple, small- and albeit manageable/fixable- things, such as ignoring problems/feelings, not spending quality time together, lack of trust, jealousy,  and much more. Other red flags can be downright abusive, such as love bombing, gaslighting, manipulation, or even physical, mental/emotional, psychological, and even sexually abusive tendencies/habits. In romantic relationships, these red flags can be harsh- especially in a longer and more thought-out relationship- such as substance abuse, abusive behavior, etc.
     Friends can also spot red flags! As a person experiencing that toxicity, it can be hard to see the red flags/warning signs that the relationship is going sour. Friends can help. But what if the friend IS the red flag? What if the friendship IS the thing going sour? That’s more common than others can think. Red flags are often seen as bad in romantic relationships, but what about platonic relationships, such as close friends, best friends, or even childhood friends?
     A lot is commonly said about abusive relationships, but not a lot about abusive friendships. They are real, and they are possible. As a victim of an abusive friendship, finding someone in a similar situation can be upsetting. I was friends with said person for over four years! And yet, I never realized the red flags. This, by all means, doesn’t mean not noticing red flags makes one stupid. It doesn’t, not at all. Some people can be purely manipulative, so sometimes it is tough to see the blaring red lights right in front of their faces. Other friends can help the situation by realizing that their fellow friend is being abused and can work together to help that person realize how awful that red flag of a person is.
     Abusive friendships can be absolutely horrible. Some aren’t all downright obvious, though. Not the stereotype of someone being physically abused, but emotional abuse/manipulation and psychological abuse is still a very real option. As someone who experienced this, I thought that maybe I was the one in the wrong. But even after four years of constant hurt and abuse, it took me that long to realize my situation. My Mom, friends, and others had to help me realize what was going on. I couldn’t stick my head in the sand any longer, and I had to break free.
     All in all, it’s hard to spot these warning signs in a relationship, and sometimes even more in a friendship. Sometimes, people change! Sometimes, people realize their horrible behavior, change, and move on with their lives. And some? Some don’t change at all. But that shouldn’t be your problem, as long as you get out of your situation with that horrible person, sometimes that’s all that matters in the end.