The Velveeta Vendetta

During this holiday season, time is of the essence in all aspects of life. Shopping, decorating, and especially cooking can, if not done in time, make or break the Christmas experience. Even for the smallest mac and cheese snack in between errands, every second counts. Amanda Ramierez, a resident of South Florida, is the lead plaintiff in a class action lawsuit against the Kraft Heinz company over misleading advertising in its Velveeta mac and cheese cups. She argues that the advertised “ready in 3.5 minutes” only encompasses the microwaving of the product and doesn’t include other steps, such as tearing off the lid and stirring in the cheese, that adds precious seconds to the entire process. The suit, filed with the US District Court of Miami, claims over 5 million dollars in damages to people who’ve been inconvenienced like Ramierez.

     There have been food lawsuits that I frankly don’t care for. Strawberry Pop Tarts contain other fruit than strawberries? Big whoop. Aged vanilla root beer doesn’t contain vanilla? It’s the thought that counts. But Velveeta Mac and Cheese taking more than 3.5 minutes to be ready? That crosses a line that shouldn’t ever be crossed. Ms. Ramierez and everyone involved in this case are doing the good work to bring Kraft to justice. If I’m knee-deep in cooking Christmas dinner and I have only 3.5 minutes to take a break, I’m going to want to eat a cup of Velveeta Shells and Cheese instead of an entire pack of Oreos like last time. However, as we have seen, that isn’t possible, and Christmas dinner is ruined now. Had the packaging not said that it would be “ready,” as in “ready to eat,” I wouldn’t have hypothetically tried to prepare it and lost the precious seconds needed to baste the turkey (or whatever people eat on Christmas). Kraft: you better craft a good excuse for this before I switch to Auntie Anne’s.